20's - Uncomfortable Truths & Confessions ...

     I have no idea how many of you beautiful readers are in their 20's, getting there, or past that era. Nevertheless let me tell you being in your 20's sucks and yet it is kind of cool. 

     I love how movies and social media have romanticized the idea of being in your 20's but me being the truthful writer that I am, let me tell you something because I can't lie. At least not to you. Being in your 20's sucks, it feels like you're a teen all over again minus having time to spare, minus some responsibilities, plus collagen to the its fullest & friends who are available anytime to do basically anything. My God, I remember when I was in my early teen years, barely leaving my childhood behind and having no clue whatsoever that that stage was ending. My dad came up to me and gave me this - unsolicited of course - pep talk about how my teen years where going to be nothing but a pain in the ass. That I was going to feel nothing but depressed, sad, no clue of what I was feeling or thinking, self-doubt, etc.  He even used to judge me for wearing a hoodie on sunny days and blamed it on my youth without realizing it was just me trying to cover my body fat. 

     My reference frame for my IDEAL and wishful thinking teen years were based on High School Musical - me being Sharpay duh because who the hell would want to have Gabriella's personality, we only wanted to be her because of Troy -, Camp Rock, and other cool teen movies that made us late 90's early 00's kids. Even "The Parent Trap" created this ideal family picture for me and maybe for more people out there. I'm not mad at all though, I'm not blaming Disney on how life turned out for me, if anything THANK YOU FOR SETTING THE STANDARD. It was a clue of what I wanted to achieve in life. 

     Nevertheless, my expectations - at the time - where NOT met and my teen years - and I'm sure your's too - did not look at all like these movies had portrayed. If you reader had a different story and your teen years where actually amazing stop reading ASAP, this is not for you ... or stay and learn a different perspective on how it was for the rest of us. Personally, my teen years where full of body shame that I did to myself whilst  boys started to be ... well boys, and you know being a size 0 started to matter, a small group of friends, - which is something you should have in your 20's not in your teen years - few parties, and the never ending division between the cool kids and the unpopular kids. I swear to God I have no idea how this is passed on generation over generation. However we did it, we all survived and made it out alive  ... or at least most people. I mean this wholeheartedly, I'm so deeply sorry for the people that didn't. I had a few close encounters with suicide and the picture is not ... is just not pretty nor okay. Please ask for help as suicide and mental illness are not to be taken lightly.  

     Being in your 20's I swear it feels like teen years with a higher level of difficulty. There's is no other better way to describe it than with a  Taylor Swift song, take "Fifteen" for this precise example, but now everything applies  differently. If a guy has a car you feel like flying. If he says "I love you" you'll believe him because 'we're adults' now and adults don't lie, we're supposed to be mature, you're supposed to know who 'the one' is, and then again you take a deep breath and realize this is life before you know who you're going to be. Damn, Taylor just hits the jackpot over and over again. Go check out her lyrics or listen to this song ASAP.

     So why is it that we get distracted from who we're supposed to be? Why do we self doubt and talk to ourselves the way my dad did with this horrible, unpleasant and definitely not motivating talk at all? Why do we cheat on ourselves and let down that 6 year old who wanted to be an astronaut, a ballerina, a singer, a dancer, a car racer,  (insert your dream occupation here), etc. 

I have given a lot of thought to it lately and my conclusion is this: society & expectations. 

Let me say this. The only expectations that should matter are the ones we put on ourselves, and I know I sound like a broken record because you've probably heard this so many times before, but it is true. I swear I have no idea how this is passed on and on, but I'm still clueless on at what age our spark & dreams are taken away to be molded into fitting something that we're not. When did we start to negotiate with ourselves our wellbeing? When did our goals and dream life became a daily negotiation with ourselves and not motivation as big as breathing everyday? I swear to God I have no idea when I grew up this fast, but my 20's have taught me important lessons and very uncomfortable truths, so let me share them with you:

1. If you don't know who you are, trust me the world will tell you. It will mold you, it will define you, it will tell you what to think and most importantly it will blind you and ELIMINATE your free thinking ... only if you let it.
2. If you happen to be a female, educate your ears. Educate them to listen, activate that feminine energy, and BLOCK - literally if you must - any kind of sweet talk that comes from a guy who doesn't accompany his words with true, valuable, not bare minimum actions. 90% of the time - I got this stats on personal experience there will be no graphs whatsoever in this article to prove a point because we're not here to to math, we're here to read and maybe rant a little- guys are not your true 'friends', they're just waiting for a chance to be with you ... if you know what I mean. And a 100% of the time they have a backup girl, and a backup for that backup and so on. 
3. Speaking of feminine and masculine energy, master both of them and know when to use each. Adapt them to your personality. 
4. LIMIT your social media use. That shit will cause unnecessary FOMO, take time from you, body dysmorphia to the point you consider fillers as the ultimate option for beauty (I have a whole story on this that will be shared ..- eventually), and trust me, you don't want to see your partner's likes and following list. As María Félix used to say: "If you want to lose a man investigate him, but if you don't want to lose him don't look stuff up because you'll always find something." Wow this woman is my idol. If you don't know who she is, I highly suggest you look her up.
5. Remember EVERYDAY what that mini version of you wanted and how they never thought how 'realistic' that dream was, instead they never saw obstacles, but they envisioned a dream and believed. Believing is the most important part of the deal, and with that it was nothing but POSSIBLE. 
6. Be careful not everyone is your friend. Be skeptical a 100% of the time. Only actual time will tell who really is a friend and not a jealous, insecure, wannabe bitch ... oops I guess that was too personal. 
7. Invest in yourself, then invest on something else. Whatever you do in life is a reflection of who you are. So invest on that spa day, invest on that plastic surgery you've always wanted. Invest in that new wardrobe - don't abuse this one though, or you'll end up in debt -, invest in that book, in that podcast subscription, get your hair done, commit to a healthy lifestyle. The world can be better, but it starts and ends with you. So start with yourself then everything else will align. 
8. Go to therapy. Go fix yourself. Don't underestimate this one. Do self-work. Therapy will not work unless you do your part as well. 
9. Take full responsibility of your choices. Identify if these life choices come from a fulfilled, happy and healthy consciousness or from subconscious trauma . Go to therapy to identify trauma. 
10. Travel. Travel. Travel. As much as you can BUT ... do it alone. Don't wait until you're in you're 30's like Elizabeth Gilbert when she did this whole "Eat Pray Love" thing. Do it before. Even traveling with friends is fine, create those memories. Challenge yourself while your young, both physically and mentally, time and youth WILL NEVER come back. 
11. Know what you're good at and work on that. Don't do stuff just because other people are doing it. Most of them are lost. Don't follow the herd.
12. Read. Start reading anything and  once you have developed a habit, curate what you read, not everything out there is valuable information nor it deserves your time. 

I know being in your 20's sounds like a lot of work and there's still stuff that needs to be figured out. But as I mentioned earlier, it is also kinda cool. It is cool to be a grown up kid - because being an adult is just being a kid with responsibilities that's all-. It is nice to dress however you want, it is nice to eat whatever the hell you want, it is nice to do grown up shit like smoking, drinking and so on, until you realize is not that big of a deal. One day you wakeup and realize that having your mom do your laundry, meals, and even your homework sometimes, was not bad. Not bad at all. My god I wish I could be a kid, I still am, but you know minus the responsibilities. Call me lazy if you want, I'm not but this is my wishful thinking doing the talking.

Enjoy your 20's they will suck sometimes but some others they will be nice. Very nice. 

THANK YOU FOR READING

XOXO